Yesterday was not a good day. As you may have read in an earlier post my brother was put into the hospital for emergency evaluation and walked out. He and I had a lovely exchange of words on his FB page in which he told me to stay the "f" out of his life. How could I help the cops find him? He always knew I never loved him blah blah blah which I presume these people read.I woke up to 36 messages on Facebook from people I don't even know asking me...
"where is he"
"do you know if he is OK"
"why do you not care what happens to him"
"I can't believe you helped the cops find him"
"what kind of sister are you"
"what kind of person does that"
I could go on but I think you get the picture. I responded to the first couple of messages kind of rudely. Well not kind of I was down right ignorant. Then I spoke with a friend of mine and she said to me
Heidi why are you even responding? You don't know any of these people and you don't owe them any kind of explanation. When they walk a mile in your shoes and deal with the struggles your brother has put you and your family through then they can judge you until then Facebook has a delete and block feature USE IT!!!!!!!!!.
I deleted and blocked around 40 people some friends some family some I don't even know including my brother.
I don't understand why or how people feel they have a right to tell me how to feel or how to deal with my brother. Where were these people when we were sitting in court rooms, visiting rehabs, dealing with the DEA busting up in our home? I think my friends are right these people are addicted to the drama and feel they need to be a part of it. THIS ISN'T DRAMA THIS IS MY LIFE. This is what I live with everyday. I know there are more people supporting me than that are hating on me but its still hard.
The people who really know my brother and care about my brother have been supporting me. I don't know why I let these select few make me feel like I was really nothing yesterday. Today will be a better day. I am willing it that way. I know in my mind what I am doing is right. But my heart needs time to heal and strengthen and these people beating me down did not help. I broke down at dinner last night and just cried and cried. I sat there questioning myself and my actions. I always have prided myself on being a good person, sister, daughter, mother and wife and these haters made me question that. Then I realized they don't know me at all and obviously they don't know my brother at all. We have lived in silence about this disease I can't fault people for not know the real story. I never told it I know for sure my brother never has told anyone the REAL story. That is why every time someone brings it up he runs away. Well now they can read our story and see that he may be the crack addict but we are just as affected by it. I just wish I could remember what it was like before crack. Its a fading memory.