Monday, May 21, 2012

Nothing Like a Midnight Visit From the Sheriffs Department

Its Heidi....

So here we are a week from our "intervention" stating we will no longer allow him in our lives if he refuses to get the help he needs and actually work a program.  Obviously, he chose not to get help and we have not seen or heard from him in a week. 

Last night around 10pm the town cops showed up here looking for him because they got a phone call he was threatening suicide.  They asked if he was here and I said no we haven't seen him in a week.  I told them where I knew that he would hang out.  About 20 mins later a friend of mine who lives in our old home calls and says I don't want to be the one who tells you this but the cops are here looking in the woods for your brother.  I said yeah they were here too I am really sorry they showed up at your place. 

Let me explain why we are so nonchalant about this threat.  My crack addicted brother has said he will kill himself every other day for 10 years.  That is not an embellished.  We have tried everything to get him help.  He will stay for a day or 2 in a facility then leave.  He is 31 we can't force him to get help.  I wish we could.  The psych ward at our hospital is his 2nd home.  He usually threatens suicide when he does something he knows he will get arrested for or when the family tries to take a stand against his addiction. 

We were getting ready to go to bed last night and I went to shut and lock the door and who do I see walking up our driveway is the County Sheriff's Department.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

The deputy asks to come in and we sit down and at first I thought he was here to tell me they found him dead so my heart sank as we sat down and he told me tonight you brother checked himself out of the psych ward and met up with a person he knew from the psych ward and told them when everyone leaves the park he was going to hang himself from the tree.  We have been unable to find him so we want to do a missing persons report.  At that time I took a breath and said hang himself from a tree that is typical threat.  He always tells me I will find him hanging from a tree.  We went on and did this report which asked everything from name to what his teeth looked like.  The worst was when they asked if needed could we get dental records. 

OMG as I am typing this the Sheriff's Dept knocked on the door to talk again about this. 

UGH gotta go,

Lots of Love and Healing,



  1. Heidi, Ashley,

    It is heart wrenching. My daughters took 2 opposite approaches. One never left our son's side and the other one could not be with him until he was clean. Neither one of them was right or wrong. You have to do what makes sense to you.

    We are all out here for you. Don't you just love those visits from the cops? ;-) I know EXAcTLY what you mean. I have NEVER been arrested, I haven't even gotten a traffic ticket for over 25 years( you by saying this I'll probably get one this week lol) But, I was regularly talking to the sheriff for quite a while visiting jail where they actually treat you like a criminal too.

    I hate to say welcome to our little club of "Loved One Is An Addict" but we are all here for you both.

    ps.: I posted a link to your blog on my blog

  2. Heidi and Ashley,
    Thank you for sharing the siblings perspective. I was so caught up just dealing with my own emotions about my son's (also a middle child) opiate addiction that it didn't really occur to me how much I was neglecting my older son and younger daughter. I can clearly see that now that I am working my own recovery.

    You have an important story to tell. I hope you will continue to.

  3. We appreciate that. Initially, we were the same way. Heidi was trying to protect her baby brother, and I was frustrated at his lack of ability to get his act together. When we went to our first Nar-anon meeting (the day before we started this blog), we finally felt like there were others out there who understood our story.


  4. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this year after year. I've only been dealing with it for four years with my son. His PO used to call it "hospital hiding" when he'd do something to land himself in the mental unit vs. risk getting put back in jail. Its common but sad, so sad.

  5. Thank you all for your support. It really is ridiculous that they don't see how there addictions hurt everyone who loves them.

    Thank you, Heidi

  6. mommy or ashley i saw your posts on facebook about the blog so i deciced to check it out and i know how bad drugs can screw up ur life and thats why i will always stay drug free. I see mommy or grammie crying because of his addiction. I Love You Guys <3 kourtney

  7. Hello ladies: I have a 24 year old opiate addicted son, and a 22 year old daughter was very close to her brother for about the first 18 years of her life, until his drug problem became severe. I know this has a big effect on her. One of you wrote about your college graduation, she graduated a week ago, and we faced similar issues. Wishing you best of luck, know we are here for you. Sorry that you have to be part of this "club", but many understand your feelings.

  8. Good Evening Topper: I am sure your daughter is as heartbroken as we are. My mom used to say to us all the time you don't know my pain he is my child but we do feel the pain that is our sibling. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. Its amazing how you feel so alone and live in shame and you finally decide to come out of the shadows how much relief you feel to know that you are not alone. We wish you the best of luck also, Thank you for reading our blog.