Monday, May 21, 2012

The 2nd 3rd and Final Time of Stupidity

The 2nd time...... After the incident with the pool money we of course kicked my brother out.  I sometimes regret not pressing charges maybe if I did he would have gotten help.  Of course my husband wanted too but I begged him not too.  When November came around it was getting so cold out I couldn't stand the fact that he was going to be out in the cold.  So I offered our garage to him.  I know it wasn't much but at least it was heated and out of the elements of a MD winter.  Which I know it isn't bad but it still gets cold. LOL... We made our guidelines he was not to have drugs on our property and he could only be in our house if we were home and he had to stay in the same room as us except for the bathroom.  He was sticking to the rules for about 2 months.  One morning he knocked on the door at like 630am it was a Saturday and asked to use the bathroom.  I of course allowed him to come in.  I am not a morning person and let my guard down and went back to bed told him to lock the door when he went back outside.  I woke up at 8 with my kids and I have diagnosed severe TMJ in my jaw and sometimes its locks and I can't open my mouth.  So on days like that I have to squeeze a pain pill in my mouth and sip a drink threw a straw.  I always have a script of 10 pain pills just in case.  Well I must have known I was wrong by letting my guard down and had been clinching my jaw for the hour and a half I continued to sleep because when I woke up I couldn't open my mouth.  I went looking for my pills and they were gone.  SERIOUSLY I said to myself.  So I had to pry my mouth open with no pain meds.  So when my husband came home from working overnight and I was crying in pain he was furious.  I said to him there is no way you can be as furious as I am.  I didn't know who I was more mad at him for taking my pills when he knows what I need them for or me for letting my guard down and letting him in my house alone.  So of course we kicked him out again when he admitted he was taking my meds.  When we cleaned out the garage my husband found a crack pipe and other drug paraphenalia. 

The 3rd time...... Well I held strong for about a year and he did some time in the local county jail.  Of course I was stupid enough to let him back in.  DUH... We again made the rules and guidelines.  Job or school, no drugs, and no stealing.  Well it went well for about 6 months.  My oldest child has ADHD and take Adderall and I went got her script filled and she gets 30 pills a month and because they are a narcotic it is very harshly regulated.  We have to go see her pediatrician every month for a meds check and we get a script for that month.  Like I said I had gotten her script filled 1 day and within 3 days we only had 10 pills left.  So that means in 2 days 17 pills were taken from my child who needs this medicine to be able to function in school.  Well that was it he was out again.  Luckily we were at the end of the school year and she only takes the pills on school days so she had enough to make it the rest of the school year. 

And the 4th and Final time yes I really am that much of a co-dependent.....  He spent a year in big boy prison and was getting out.  We had a family meeting with everyone and decided that in order for him to have a fighting chance he would need a place to stay and somehow my house was chosen.  So he moved in got a job with a friend of mine and was doing great this past october we bought a new home and moved my parents in with us and things were going so well we offered him a place here.  He stayed in our old home until the last possible day he had to be out.  The first night he was here he decided to break into the cars of our new neighbors and all around our neighborhood.  Can you believe it???? Well the best part is.... When he was in and out and in and out of our house all night long and the cops are blaring by here he leaves his bookbag by a car he was breaking into with his wallet in it he isn't the best of theives.  So of course they new who was doing it.  But no charges.  He has a horseshoe up his butt I swear.  When we were all woken up by the craziness going on in our new neighborhood there on the nightstand was an uncashed paycheck.  I asked him why he was stealing when he had money on the table He said he couldn't sleep and he was bored.... WTH.  He was out the next day.  


Lots of love and Healing,



  1. Reading this brings back so many old memories, especially the part about living in the garage. We are lucky enough to have had 7+ years of recovery, but have just embarked to the road to hell once again. Thank you both for sharing.

  2. When you feel he needs a place to live refer him to a clean living facility like and Oxford House. They require clean and they enforce it. It is a place for addicts and alcoholics in recovery.

  3. I have a list of free rehabs and shelters typed up that I can hand out when the need arises. :o( This is an awful place to be in...but they have to want to get well and until then we are just getting in the way.

  4. Hello,

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. My brother is currently a heroin addict and has been using drugs for about 6 years now. I have shed so many tears over him and have taken him in several times. I am the rock in my family and they all seem to depend on me when things go wrong. I recently got a kindergarten teaching job and my husband and I rented a place. My brother wants to live with us again because he says he is homeless, but my husband does not want to take him in again. I feel sad about it know my husband is probably right, however I can't get the thought of my brother out on the street. Any advice?

    1. Hi Valerie,
      I felt the same way as you. I couldn't bear the thought of my baby brother living on the street so I repeatedly let him live with us against my husband's wishes. My advice to you is let him live on the street. I know how gut wrenching and how hard that is. I also know how much easier that is said than done. The one thing I have learned in my nar-anon meetings is... His choice his consequence. Until we stood up to my brother and his addiction and said no more you are on your own he would have never went into rehab. His choice was the street or rehab. He chose the street for a while but did go to rehab about 2 months ago. You have to detach with love. Again, easier said than done. I told my brother I loved him more than he would ever know but I was not going to live his addiction he needed too. All addicts have to hit their bottom. My brother's was not jail, was not people trying to kill him, it was our family standing together united and letting him know we were getting off his addiction roller coaster. I wish you the best of luck. And if you need to talk please email me at
      Lots of love and healing,