It's Been A While My Friend

Sorry it has been so long since I have written a blog.  Life has been crazy busy. Starting in July we begin our daughters sport season it goes until November and then indoor club season begins.  AHHHHH I feel like its all I do.

Anyway, things have been a slightly calm around here.  We have begun making a new home our house yay its only been over a year since we closed on the house. LOL! We of course spent another Thanksgiving and Christmas without my brother.  He is still in his long term rehab however, it is now COURT ORDERED!!! YAY! He is still facing a lengthy jail sentence for other charges.  I can't think about it though.  He had everything he needed and still decided to use and steal.  I read on another blog that addict and criminal eventually become on in the same.  SO TRUE. 

I have made peace with the fact that the brother I once had is gone, never to come back.  My brother now is a recovering crack addict and a felon.  I realize that things will never be the same.  The questions in my head are ongoing.  Will I ever trust him?  Can I ever believe a word he says? Can I ever let him in my house without hiding my good silverware? Well I don't really have good silverware but you know what I mean. The same questions you have in your mind about your addict.

So on to the holidays.....

Thanksgiving 2012

Horrible all the way around.... I was the emergency room with Bronchitis that turned into Pneumonia ugh.  I was so sick I couldn't even eat :( Our addict was not here.  Of course missed. 

Christmas 2012....

 The hubs had to work so the whole deal was on me Christmas Eve and Christmas Morning.  The children woke up at 4AM  ahhhhhhhh... Opened presents back to bed.  I had asked my mom if my brother was invited because I didn't want to not have a gift for him if he was coming.  Now some of you may be thinking a gift pshhhh I wouldn't buy him a gift.  Well we have caught onto his game you see, we don't buy anything worth value on the street.  I have bought him socks, underwear, toothbrushes, deodorant, things like that.  I believe I also will give him books. But nothing he can pawn or sell.  But anyway, mom said she invited him and he said no he didn't want to be around us yet.  He wasn't ready.  I am surprised and happy at this response.  Of course I miss him I haven't seen him in months.  We do text and of course I we talk a little on the dreaded facebook and if any of you have read my stuff before you know I have no problem deleting him when he is doing bad.  So things have calmed down like I said and I am enjoying it.  He gets out of rehab in a couple of months we will see what happens then.....

I Can Sleep Peacefully Now

This one is short and sweet!  I dropped him off at rehab walked him in to make sure he went!!!!!!!!! 

Now learning how to help him the correct way and help him in sobriety! 

Lots of love and healing,

Heidi

Rehab, Now What????

On June 14th after I wrote my last post we heard from my brother for the 1st time since the day after Mother's Day.  He called my house, my cell, and my mother's cell no one answered.  He left us both messages stating he was in the hospital and was on the waiting list for the 12 step rehab he was sick of living this life and he missed us and needed to change. 


OOOOOOOOHHHHH wait, I know most of you who have been reading our posts are happy to hear this news.  I, however, am a little reluctant to be happy.  I have heard all of this before.  My brother has been in rehab 6 or 7 times each time did great gets discharged and instead of following the program he goes right back to the way he was.  My brother also has a court date coming up and he likes to run to rehab to show a judge he is trying to change.  So I am not sure how to react to this news.  I am so happy he is going he needs too.  He needs to find on and actually work it.  I hope with all my heart he is going to do it this time.  Now I have to figure out a way to be supportive but not give up my recovery from his addiction and let him know I am still holding my ground.  Just because you go doesn't mean everything will be OK.  My heart is torn right now.  Not sure what to do or how to feel. 

Lots of love and healing,

Heidi